I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
