o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
