I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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