ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
