Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
