So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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