so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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