i don't like sucking hair
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
