Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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