My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
