soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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