I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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