boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she pinky promised me she was 18
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
