I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
