I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
