why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
