You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
