Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
