she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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