I wish I could teleport
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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