but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Randomize
