I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
