and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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