I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
