Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
