if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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