All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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