Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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