There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize