Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
and you fell through a lawn chair
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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