Soap is not a condiment
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
