if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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