I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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