Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
