lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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