I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
