I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
