If i come over, it means nothing
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
