He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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