I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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