her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i love accidental penises.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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