return my video game
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
