hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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