well I can't set my house on fire every night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
