do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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