They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
false alarm, still single
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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