ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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