the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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