The brown eye won't let me do that either.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
