I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
