Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
