Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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