Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
