Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
