Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
