weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
