Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
