What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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