I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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