The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize