Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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