Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
