this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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