please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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