Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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