My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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