everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
