i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
