I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
