i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize