It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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