I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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