nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
