she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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