I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
