this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
