Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
ttyl tear gas
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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