I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
