I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
