Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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