Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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