I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
