Your face is a jimmy john
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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