He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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