her vagine was all disorganized.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
