I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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