Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
