If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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