Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
