Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize