Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
