I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
